It Would be Totally Rad if Jesus was a Ninja
Feature Article Friday, December 2nd, 2011
Ninja Jesus - No Mercy
Jesus is okay, I guess. I mean, turning water to wine and coming back from the dead are pretty neat tricks, but you know what would be totally rad? If Jesus was a ninja!
If Jesus combined his love and compassion for all mankind with the ability to hurl a shuriken like a thousand yards with pinpoint accuracy, or drop down from the ceiling and slice everyone to pieces before they even knew he was there he would be the most awesome prophet warrior ever.
Ninja Jesus would be totally bad ass. He would be able to fight anyone and turn practically invisible and separate from his own shadow, AND He could like totally forgive the Romans or Galatians or whoever and then chop their heads off using only His eyelash. He could multiply some fishes, then turn them into razor blade fishes and fling them at the enemy’s eyes and then take a bunch of loaves and turn them into stones and hit people in the neck with them.
Ninja Jesus would still wear his sandals, but he’d change into black pajamas and he’d wear a headband with a rising sun and the word “NINJA” in Japanesey looking letters and it would also have a cross on it. Ooh ooh ooh…and his disciples would totally be mutants who could control the weather and shoot lazers and reverse time and communicate with falcons and play freakin’ bitchin’ guitar solos with only their minds! They’d all travel around Galilee or wherever like swashbuckling outlaws on tricked out skateboards and everyone would think that they were bad guys but really they’d be secret heroes but they wouldn’t be able to tell anyone because they might get persecuted and OMG they’d have this crazy underground secret training base with all kinds of weapons and root beer would come out of the drinking fountains and they’d have a space ship.
Man, I wish Jesus was a ninja.
Short URL: http://www.austinfunblog.com/?p=1071
